4/2/2002The sound of lies rings funny against the truth

What an odd evening. First we had a grand total of, ummm, three other people show up for the "Superbowl party" that wasn't really a party, but it was fun to sit around and drink beer (Corona, which I had never had before...yech) and make fun of the scary crap Fox put on as a "tribute to America."

And now I'm sitting at my computer, listening to country-ish music and programming. What an odd evening. I'm getting tired quickly, but I really need to finish this tonight. Hmmm. I'm going to get back to working now.

4/2/2002now everything is easy 'cause of you

Blah. I got very little done last night. Now I'm skipping work in the hopes that I can make some progress on this stupid program, but it's not working for some reason. This operator should be working. I'm using it correctly. But it'sgiving crazy results. Grrrr.

So, yeah. I have a hell of a lot to do this week. Physics test tomorrow, problem sets out the wazoo, this program, e-mail my father, and the list goes on. Arg. I should go, obviously. I think I'll do that now.

gasping at glimpses
of gentle true spirit
he runs, wishing he could fly
only to trip at the sound of goodbye...

9/2/2002I don't know what to say, but how are you today?

So, yeah. I still feel blah. Blah. What a blah week. I of course got nothing done this evening, though I also have much to do tomorrow. Must accomplish lots. And it will get done! Or something. But right now, I should definitely sleep. Sleeeeeeeeep. Then up by 11, hopefully, to get everything done tomorrow. Soooooo much work to do!

10/2/2002We all got together for the first time last September...

So! I neglected to write much of anything this week. Mainly because I was in a crappy mood for most of it, I suppose. I'm stressed and being nowhere near as productive as I should be. I still haven't e-mailed my father. I hate this. Arg.

The high point of my week, though, which I believe I neglected to write about, was the King's X concert at the Cat's Cradle in Carrboro. It was phenomenal. They had equipment issues, of course, and didn't come on stage until 10:55, but played all the way through until 1:15. And I just looked over and noticed that my hard drive is very precariously perched. I suspect it may fall before I finish writing this, so I should, ummm, fix that.

Ahhh, better. So, anyway, as I was saying, it was an amazing show. M didn't especially like it, but she also didn't have to pay for her ticket, since the random guy in line ahead of us had an extra and offered it to her. The opening band was amusing, if mediocre--some sort of pseudo-grunge metal band with a female lead singer, who had an odd affinity for jerking her body with the riffs. It was bizarre. Their songs sucked. But anyway, then King's X came on, and they were the man, collectively speaking. I just realized that they have 9 studio albums, and they played at least one song from every one, I believe. A guy on a list I'm on scribbled down the playlist, and they played 23 songs. Wow. The guitarist is absolutely amazing, not to mention the bassist--he wears his bass really, really low, I noticed--and the drummer, who despite looking the part of the ugly Texas hick, is quite an impressive drummer. But the guitarist...wow.

I grabbed their King's X poster on the way out. Well, it's actually an album promo poster, but it was free nonetheless.

Anyway, what else...I had my physics test on Tuesday. Got a 75, which is significantly above the mean. Woohoo. Physics tests here suck. They aren't remotely about understanding the concepts, or even memorizing formulas. They're about managing to see the professors' stupid little tricks fast enough to work them out and get the answers they want. Grrrr.

But that's that. I have a lot of work to do. I'm not doing it right now, obviously. I also need to clean. A lot. Oh, well.

I got tired of not being able to listen to my mp3's, so I hooked my crappy little headphones up to my computer. The main problem is that the cord is really short, so I had to put my computer case on top of a lot of stuff so I can actually sit up. Oh, well. Now I can listen to Nick Drake and my King's X live stuff. Woohoo.

So, ummm, yeah. I should work, f'real. Much, much to do--programs to write, problem sets to complete, papers to read for bio, and perhaps something else. Oh, right, I need to e-mail my father, finally. Blah.

"Kathy, I'm lost," I said,
though I knew she was sleeping
"I'm empty and aching
and I don't know why..."

12/2/2002And I've been cryin', cryin', cryin', just like a fucking fool

Hooray for getting back into my mp3 collection! I have several of the 77's albums from long ago, back when they really rocked. Great stuff.

Speaking of which, I don't believe I wrote about hearing the Warsaw Philharmonic on Saturday night in Page. It was incredible. They played the obligatory patriotic American piece, Samuel Barber's "Adagio for Strings," which was quite good, and then Chopin with an amazing piano soloist. IT was great. Oh, and Beethoven, and, well, I can't recall which pieces of each they actually performed, but yeah, they were good. Woohoo, $10 tickets.

And I was up really late last night working on compsci, so late that I then managed to screw up setting my alarm and sleep straight through my 9 am class, all the way until,like, noon--late enough to miss work. Impressive, really. And I'm up late again, and needing to get up very soon, so I should sleep very soon.

I have quite a few strange e-mails in my inbox right now. First is yet another from the woman who's the coordinator of the program that has those mini-internships I wrote about, and she has this really annoying habit of only answering half of my question, so it took, like, 7 e-mails to get to where we are now, and I asked if it would be paid, and she said they'd pay for transportation. That wasn't my point--they said originally they'd pay transportation and lodging, so now I have to e-mail back, and ask the exact same question again. Grrrr.

Oh, and then there's the e-mail from Rodney kicking me out of Chapel Choir, which was expected, since I missed another Sunday, because I've been awful about beign able to get up on Sunday mornings--what annoyed me, however, was his last line--"I'm sorry it has to come to this, but I've given you more than your fair share of chances to meet our attendance guidelines, and I won't let the Chapel Choir be taken advantage of anymore." WTF? Taking advantage of the choir? Right, Rodney. I only lead a third of the section when I'm there. Yep, taking advantage. Obviously. I also hadn't missed any rehearsals. Now, granted, I had missed Sundays. Whatever. I sent him an e-mail back.

Oh, and I applied for a job bussing tables on weekend nights at a really nice restaurant not far from my house, and it looks like I pretty much get the job if I still want it. I think I do, because I could use the money. However, then I really have no free time on weekends. At least, not evenings. It's not like I want to go out all that much instead, though. And the woman there, whose middle name is also Gray (how random is that?), told me that I'd average $35-$50 a night in tips, plus $20 a night in wages, so, yeah, that's not bad at all. That would help.

Kate's also being pissy! I think this is be-pissy-at-Gray day. Everyone join in!

Okay. Sleep time. Be quiet, Kate. We're going to sleep now.

15/2/2002Dum de dum

Arg. I didn't sleep at all last night, and it wasn't because I was up all that late, but I just never got comfortable in bed, or something, and then my back started hurting and then I just ended up lying there, awake, until 7 or so, at which point I think I finally got to sleep, but then my alarm went off at 8. On the plus side, I finally went to population geography! Hooray for missing two and a half weeks of class! I don't think I missed anything too huge, though.

Okay, I'm really, actually going to send this stupid e-mail to my father. Grabbing the numbers from the McGill website now--which has been my excuse so far, mostly, since the stupid site is only available until 10 PM, or so they say, but the other night I went at 8:30, and it kept saying, no, the database is down, and here's a note that it's only available 6 AM - 10 PM. Hrm. Whatevah.

Oh, and yesterday was Valentine's day, apparently, so I saw M for the first time in, um, quite a while. We went to dinner and watched High Fidelity, which was rather depressing. I mean, that guy had an awful lot of issues. And even when it became obvious how it was going to end, well, their relationship was still kind of depressing. But the guy from Tenacious D was hilarious! At least, M told me he's one of the Tenacious D guys, and I believed her.

And this is bizarre! My compsci prof put a quiz up on the website, but made it seem like it was just practice for the test--but it turns out that it's, like, an actual grade. How strange. He could have bothered to make that more clear, perhaps.

I miss making this walk at least twice a day. Sigh.

And I need to remember my McGill student number. Hrm. Must search through old e-mails...

Doh, I was remembering the right number. Just needed to add two 0's in front of it.

Oh, and I talked to T last night. Well, talked to in probably the loosest sense possible. A conversation with her generally consists of me IMing her, her saying hi, how are you, saying she's okay, the exchange of a few more pleasantries, each time taking several minutes to get a reply, then finally giving up and leaving to do something else. At any rate, one of the three things she actually told me yesterday was that she's planning to move in with her boyfriend when she returns from Europe. I tried to decide how I feel, but really, I didn't feel much of anything. I don't know enough about their relationship to think anything more of it, really. Perhaps there's a bit of jealousy, but I don't know. I haven't really decided how I feel about the whole issue of people moving in together before being engaged or married. I've never seen it work out well, for one thing. But oh, well. It's nice, in a way, to be reminded that yes, I am over her. This doesn't hugely impact me any more.

And I need to run to work!

15/2/2002He worries, did he hear a goodbye--or even hello?

I FINALLY sent this stupid e-mail! Woohoo! I can't bring it back now. I can't undo all the nasty truthful comments I made to him. Oh, well.

The non-nasty part of the e-mail asked if he wanted to go to a UNC baseball game, since they seem to be decent, and where else around here can you see baseball in the winter? Yep, whenever we can't communicate, we fall back on baseball. Reminds me of most of my father's e-mails my freshman year. They were generally about something really minor, like the weather, or something the dogs had done or somesuch, but usually about baseball.

And I'm really late for work. Going now.

15/2/2002to DC!

Yeah, so I'm throwing lots of stuff in a bag. I'll be back midday Sunday, I think. Or something.

19/2/2002dum de dum

Hrm, I should avoid being late for compsci for, like, the tenth straight time. Yeah. I should leave in a few minutes. But I still haven't written about my weekend! So I should do that. And I hope J is okay. He sounds kinda blah in his lj. Hrm.

Anywho, I went with M to DC over the weekend, for the Rufus Wainwright concert at the 9:30 club. She picked me up from work on Friday, and we had lots of errands to run before we left, and getting gas, and air for the tires, and so on, so we didn't actually leave until, like, 7. She decided to make the trip with no maps or atlases whatsoever, so I basically had nothing to do. When we reached DC, we discovered that her directions didn't start until we got to the Baltimore-Washington Parkway, which is easy to get to if you take the beltway, but she thought she remembered the more direct way. Needless to say, she didn't, so we took I-395 into the city, and it dumped us onto another road. She took two random turns, though, and that road happened to turn into the B/W. So, that was nice.

So we arrived at the house of this guy whom she knew from Carolina--well, he was her year, but he dropped out of UNC after his freshman year, and eventually went back to school at U of Maryland. He's an, ummmm, "interesting" guy. His roommate is even stranger, though. His roommate, this quiet, skinny Asian guy, had Maxim magazines lying around--that was really scary.

So K, M's friend, wanted to drink that night, but we were exhausted. We finally offered to go to the liquor store, which turned out to be the largest liquor store I have ever seen, which is apparently open until, like, 2 AM. It was frightening, so say the least. We did, however, obtain a 1 liter bottle of Goldschlager, so I'm not complaining. Mmmm Goldschlager. The vast majority of that is still in the bottle, which is now in my room. Woohoo!

And, it looks like I'll have to cut short the story of my weekend. Alas, I will surely finish later.

19/2/2002And if you have five seconds to spare, I'll tell you the story of my life

I left off with Friday night. Yeah, so after drinking and playing Scrabble, we went to sleep on mattresses thrown on the floor in the den. Which would have been okay if not for K's crackhead roommate, who decided he needed to get water from the kitchen every five minutes or so, starting around 3 AM. So he would walk through the den, turn on the kitchen light, pour himself some water, then walk back. Over. And over. Again. And then he started tickling his girlfriend or something, so she was giggling REALLY LOUDLY until they both ran out into the den and started throwing ice or something. So, yeah. That was really weird.

Anyway, we didn't get up until late the next day, and M wanted to go to the Holocaust museum, so we took the metro in and walked to the museum, though of course all of the tickets for the day were gone, so we left and walked the length of the mall to the Capitol building, which we of course couldn't go into or anything, but we walked around it, and headed off to Union station, which she had never seen. It amused me, I suppose, to realize that she had never really seen anything like Union station, with its upscale mall inside and everything. She hasn't been to too many cities, at any rate. So from there we took the metro to Foggy Bottom, which is just a funny name for a metro stop, and walked to Georgetown, where we wandered around and looked at buildings, and I showed he the exorcist steps, because, well, they're rather impressively frightening stairs. And then we found a neat place to eat, where we got some really good pizza, and wandered around Georgetown some more, hanging out in a few bookshops, until it was time to go to the show.

So, I had never really heard much of Rufus Wainwright, and I can't say I'm a huge fan, but he was pretty good. He has a bizarre backup band, with a guitarist who is far too impresses with his own limited abilities, a cowboy hat-toting drummer, a keyboardist who also plays the clarinet, a bassist who performed up on a platform in the back, and his sister, Martha. Martha was just annoying. She had this ridiculous black-skirt-and-black-tights outfit going on, and she insisted on adjusting her microphone to be way too low, so she had to bend over to sing into it, perhaps intending to subject the crowd to cleavage or something. But it was just strange. Not to mention that her voice was just rather piercing.

However, Rufus himself was quite good. I of course didn't know any of the songs, except for the beatles cover and, well, Hallelujah, which is a great song. So, yeah, I knew none of the songs that he wrote. But it was a good show, if uncomfortable, because there was nowhere to sit, and we had already walked a lot that day.

So that lasted until about 1 or so, and we took the metro back to K's, went to sleep soon after, slept in again on Sunday, and took our time getting back, so that we reached Durham around 7. And then I actually did some work for my Monday class, which was a good thing.

And now I'm just wasting time until I go to meet W, who's going to buy me dinner because, like all Duke students, she has far too many food points, and I'm more than happy to help her get rid of them. I went to lunch with my mother and sisters yesterday, which was fun--we went to Cracker Barrel, and I had blackberry pancakes, which were really good. The girls were so hyper, though--the 3-year-old kept bouncing out of her chair, and was completely unable to decide what she wanted to eat. Oh, and my mother told me about everything I missed over the weekend, apparently. My older sister found out that she needs to go in for radioactive iodine treatment of her hyperactive thyroid. Basically, they give her hot iodine, which localizes to the thyroid and kills off most of it, so that it will stop overproducing hormones and making her ridiculously skinny with a pulse of 110. She'll basically be on drugs for the rest of her life, though, since they generally overshoot, and compensate her back up to normal levels with drugs.

So there was that, which wasn't major, but my mother was rather paranoid about it. I tried to tell her that there's little risk involved to others, though yes, she will be reasonably radioactive. It's kind of neat. You can point a Geiger counter at somebody who's undergone that procedure, or a bone scan, or something, and they show up as quite hot. But in terms of how much this microscale radiation really matters, well, it's not orders of magnitude above background, on a broader scale. Anyway, she sort of bought that explanation.

Also, my father apparently wrecked my younger sister's car on Friday. I think this is a pattern. Whenever I send my father a major, traumatic e-mail about money stuff, something major happens. Last time, my younger sister took half a bottle of tylenol, so this is better than that, I guess. He was fine. The car is totaled. He was apparently driving it because his was in the shop, and she hasn't gotten back her privileges to use it yet, though she was hoping to get them when she turns 18 in March. So much for that. He hasn't told me, of course, since he still hasn't sent me an e-mail or called since I e-mailed him. Blah. He may bother to communicate at some point. Perhaps.

Oh, and I do think I'm going to start working at the restaurant soon, perhaps this weekend. They called on Friday, asking if I could train the next night, and left a number, so I called back and left a message that I'd sort of be out of town, but I could train any night this week--but I left the message on the voice mail that seemed marked for reservations, so I don't know if it got to the right person. At any rate, they hadn't called back as of today. I'm going to go by the restaurant on my way home and try to find out.

And U of M was really scary. College Park was such an awful place! And it was strange how their college street-type thing, with restaurants and all, had a frickin' four-lane road running through it. It was like Hillsborough Street, sort of, but much worse.

So, yeah. This entry is long enough, so I'm going to stop now, f'real.


Yeah, so, I'm of course late to work, as usual. Blah.

The restaurant that M and I ended up eating at in Georgetown had this rather odd mix of music playing, which didn't really fit with the ambiance of the restaurant. Not that it was bad, or I think less of anyone who would listen to such music (ahem), but it was an interesting choice. M suggested that it would be classified as "urban electronic", since it was sort of rap and electronic mixed together. So on the way back we were listening to the Jayhawks new CD, Smile, which has some electronic stuff mixed in on a lot of songs, and I wondered if that could be classified as "rural electronic." Heehee. I crack me up.

20/2/2002oh, and one more thing that I think I forgot to post about...

Okay, that's odd. I'm sitting in the computer lab, and some guy just picked up the phone and attempted five or six times to inform the person on the other end that he got the message that they had called, only, he was holding the microphone part of the phone way away from his mouth, so he had to keep increasing the volume until, presumably, they finally heard. That was bizarre.

But anyway, what I was going to write about was that I talked to J and found out the sad news he had mentioned in his journal. So, there was a bizarre fire in an apartment near UNCG last weekend which killed three girls and a guy, I believe, one of whom went to high school with us. I actually knew her reasonably well--as I said to him, I knew her well enough to know the loss. So it's just sort of a dull sadness. Sigh. But now I'm really going to work...

20/2/2002and all my words come back to me, in shades of mediocrity...

Wow. I was so eager to avoid doing actual work tonight that I went shopping. Well, sort of by accident, since I ended up near the mall, so I went to eat there, and ended up going through Hecht's, where I remembered that I had a gift card left from my birthday with almost $40 left on it. So, I found a pair of corduroy pants for $20! Woohoo! And a shirt that I really like, but I'm not sure if I'll keep it. Hrmmm.

I think that Duke is getting to me. The other day, I felt kind of dumpy for wearing jeans and sweatshirt. That sorta scares me. I never cared before I came here! And, granted, I don't care very much, but now I actually bother to dress better than jeans and sweatshirts. I guess that's a good thing. I do really like cords, though...

Oh, and I picked up Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme for $10, too. I like it, and stuff. I think I'll actually go and work, and leave with my favourite song from the album, well, right now. I really like Homeward Bound, too, so, actually, I won't declare this to be my favourite. At any rate, it's "For Emily, Wherever I may Find Her"--and I know of nobody but Paul Simon who would actually write lyrics anything like the first stanza:

What a dream I had
Pressed in organdy
Clothed in crinoline
Of smoky burgundy
Softer than the rain

I wandered empty streets
Down past the shop displays
I heard cathedral bells
Tripping down the alleyways
As I walked on

And when you ran to me
Your cheeks flushed with the night
We walked on frosted fields
Of juniper and lamplight
I held your hand

And when I awoke
And felt you warm and near
I kissed your honey hair
With my grateful tears
Oh I love you girl
Oh I love you

21/2/2002Are you going to Scarborough Fair?

So now I'm sitting in a computer lab at UNC, continuing to avoid doing my geography assignment, and two people in the next row are working on what sounds like a really stupid project. I don't want to hear about it.

I looked over my schedule today, and realized that I only have five required courses left--two for bio, and three for the compsci minor. Though I do need two seminars, which is annoying. But really, I don't have too much left that I have to take. All of the distribution requirements are taken care of, which is nice. Now I just need to get rid of a few more requirements, and bring up this confounded GPA.

But right now, I should finish this silly assignment and finally turn it in.

22/2/2002life and the death of songwriting

So as I listened to S&G on the bus over from UNC today, I was actually, like, listening to the lyrics, and started thinking of any bands I've stumbled upon recently that actually have good lyricists. And really, there's not much. The Jayhawks are pretty good songwriters, so there's one, but most of the new stuff that I've been listening to recently generally relies on subpar songwriting. My favourite lyricists, King's X, of course, have been around for a while, and I really like the songs that Ed Roland, from Collective Soul, often writes, but he hasn't written anything really good in a few years. Hrm. I like Tracy Chapman, and she often writes really meaningful songs, so there's one more. But others? There aren't too many.

And that's not to say that I only listen to songs that are really well-written, but just an observation that not much of what I've been listening to lately has been that sort. And when I do listen to such music, it affects my mood, sometimes in strange ways. Oh, yeah. Joni Mitchell. Her songs vary in quality, but I like a lot of them. But still, I haven't found any new ones recently. Maybe nobody really writes quality songs anymore. Well, okay, that's overly melodramatic, but the point stands, more or less.

And I'm late for work. Well, not really. But I should go, regardless. I'm tarred. Hardly slept last night, and had to get up way too early. Oh, well. I wonder if I'm going to work tonight. I wish the manager woman would leave a frickin' message, rather than hanging up. I know she does this because her calls show up on caller ID, but correspond only to hangup messages on the machine. Grrrr.

To work!

22/2/2002I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep

So, I called the manager of Another Thyme (and I still have no idea if it's one word or two...) today while I was in the lab, and she said she'd like for me to come and train today, so I went in at 6:30 and stayed until around 10:15. Now I'm exhausted, though it was apparently a pretty slow night. Which was good, since I had to pick things up quickly. But soon enough, I was setting tables quickly and bussing reasonably efficiently. I get to find out how much I made in tips tomorrow, apparently.

And tomorrow's supposed to be a really busy day, I'm told. We're booked solid with reservations. Should be exciting. The manager asked me to come in at 4 to do the "monthly cleanup" of the place, and I of course agreed, since I'm new and willingly suckered into things like these. We'll see how it goes. That means that I'll be working, oh, 6 and a half hours, and busy ones, too. Eeeek. Should make quite a bit in tips, though. Yeah. I'll see.

And I need to find my other pair of black dress pants. Tonight I had to wear my tux pants, and a dress shirt with no tie. I'll wear a tie tomorrow. Woohoo.

My roommate's at the Weezer concert with some girl he likes. Heehee. He had an extra ticket, and offered it as I was going out the door to bike to work, and I respectfully declined.

My coworkers were nice, though. The waitstaff seemed uniformly kind and helpful. Which I guess they pretty much have to be, to be reasonably successful waiters. And I still have no idea what our food is like. Hrmm.

My roommate's brother is spending the night in the den, and Kate is in there begging for attention. She loves attention from new people :-)

And I am so exhausted. Time for bed.

23/2/2002If what you've got is what you need, hell, then I don't want to hear the rest


This. place. is. a. dump.

I'm gonna clean. F'real. I'm not just sayin' that!

In other news, I'm going to go collect swamp muck with my bio211 group at 2:30, and then I have to be at work at 4 to, guess what, clean! And then make a fecesload in tips, hopefully. Hooray!

My grandfather called this morning, around 10, I think. I wasn't very coherent, and didn't want to talk on the phone then, so I let him leave a message, and called him back half an hour later. He asked if I "needed" a PIII-667 computer. I considered bending the definition of "need", but refrained, and admitted that this one works quite fine, thank you. I want to send some big thank-you note to the wonderful Canadians who sold me this great computer for so cheap, when my old one conveniently died. Hooray for them!

Oh, and my mother called. I have a check for $588 to cash. Woohoo! I believe that's the sum total of all of the savings bonds my grandparents have been giving me for my birthdays. Yep, dad, my savings are going to be used to make up for your failure to pay a damn thing towards my education. Thanks.

My father finally e-mailed me back yesterday. I replied. He hasn't yet replied. Crap, I just remembered that I need to call him and ask if he's claiming me as a dependent, or what, because I have these tax forms to fill out. I told the manager I'd have them back by tonight. Doh. But she won't be there to bug me, so I'll probably just put it off. Or I could actually take the initiative. Hrmm. Doubtful.

And now is the time of cleaning, to the tune of Big Wreck. Wheeeeeeeee!

26/2/2002Where is time taking me?

Stupid midterms, ruining what would otherwise be a great week. Well, no midterms this week, but two next Tuesday, back-to-back, no less. And I have a big geography assignment due Friday, and programming to do. But I'm avoiding it, of course.

I finally turned in my geography problem set yesterday, and then I was supposed to give a presentation for my bio class on two papers, but didn't start on them until I got on the bus back from UNC. I finished them, though--mostly--and pulled it off, so that was no big deal. I really like that class. We had some interesting discussion about phylogenomics and microbial ecology. Neat stuff. Oh, and work went well--my boss leaves for Australia today, and he'll be gone for almost two weeks, so I'm kind of on my own. Which is nice, because I can avoid work now and not worry too, too much. I should do schoolwork instead, but I just need to make myself do that.

Last night M came to dinner with my mom and sisters at Sati's. It was nice. The little ones were hyper, of course, but that place is loud enough that it doesn't really matter. I hadn't seen them for a while, so that was nice. Oh, and my mother gave me the $580 she withdrew fromt he account I had forgotten I had, which was partially made up of bonds my grandparents had given me, and partially the money I had saved from my first real job. And I picked up the rest of my tips--$12! Woohoo! And then M stuck around and we went and played tennis and came back did work, and it was just so nice--that just made my day.

Oh, and I'm planning a trip with her to NYC. She's so funny about it. She says she's decided to trust me to plan it. Heehee. I'm going to buy an atlas before we go, because then I at least have some useful function in the car. But the plan now is to drive up to Princeton and visit mattwagers, get him to show us the local sights, spend the night there, then go into NYC, spend three nights, then head to DC, stay with M's crazy friend, most likely, and come back here. Oh, and then maybe go to the mountains with her, since I've never met her family. But I'm really looking forward to spending that much time in the city! And she's never been, of course. We can try to go to the opera, and maybe a show, and wander around a lot, hopefully. Wheeee! The only thing I really need to figure out is where to put the car while we're in NYC. I think I'll e-mail the hostelish place where we're staying and ask for their recommendation.

So, yeah, now I just need to get on track with classwork, and then everything will be good. I think. Well, I could stand for my father to bother to talk to me again. That would be nice. But other than that, things are good.

I'm really going to class now. I mean it.

27/2/2002If I had my choice of matter, I'd rather be with cats

So today is one of those days when I open up my e-mail and find out that multiple people are pissed off at me. Consequently, I closed my e-mail and haven't looked again. There will be no more pissed off e-mails read today!

My father, though, still hasn't responded meaningfully to my money et al. e-mail. Grrrrr. If he doesn't write me back this week, I'm going to have to call. And I hate calling him. Blah.

Would someone please kill Faran Krentcil for me? I'm tired of having to glance over her self-centred rants about life as a pretentious bitch. Please, put us Duke students out of our misery. Today's column, though, while quite bad, still isn't the worst. This one is the touching story of her realization, while visiting some old guy friend, that she has become even more of a pretentious bitch than she used to be. This is scary stuff. Oh, and--hahahaha. I'm not gonna go there.

Good grief, spring break is sneaking up on me! We have, like, one full week before it! Goodness gracious. I have a fecesload of work to do before the break, but then--NYC! Wheee! This trip should be a lot of fun. I should probably tell my parents I'm leaving. And find someone to keep the Katester. Doh, I had forgotten about that. Either that, or I can get one of those baby carrier harness things and carry her around on my back. Heehee.

I wonder when Dawson's Creek is finally going to stop filming on campus. They're kind of blocking quite a bit of stuff. I had to sort of beg them to let me get to my bike the other day.

And I finally got the CD burner at work working with iTunes, so that I can make mix CDs. I was hoping to make one for M on Sunday, but I spent pretty much all afternoon messing with it, to no avail. I finally traced it back to a crash that occurred while upgrading to OS X 10.1.3, and had to manually do that. Odd. But now, everything's dandy, and I just need to get some more CDs in here tomorrow to finalize the mix and all. Woohoo! I'm listening to what I have now, though. I like it, and stuff. Who knows if she will.

So what else can I ramble about now? I have 45 minutes until class, and I don't really feel like working. Though I should, of course. I found out that I'm (almost certainly) going to Salt Lake City in May, though I'd have to be there the day after graduation at UNC, which is annoying. I'll presumably be going to M's graduation, but then I basically have to run off to the airport and leave for Utah for a few days. Blah. Could my timing be any worse? I'd love to go, of course, and since I'm not paying, well, it's kinda nice, but, hrmmm.

And, yeah, I should go to class. Hooray for class!

27/2/2002Your son enhances baby creation, no shit.

Okay, lj is being stupid and not letting me look at MY OWN JOURNAL! Whine whine whine. 'Cause I really don't know what I've written. Well, I guess I do. But I'm not sure! Oh dear! What if I write something that I've already written about?!? What then? Well, get over it, I guess.

I'm in the lab, and I'm not sure why. I came here to do work while the gel ran for class, but ended up loading my gel and coming back to sit and browse the internet and talk to M. So, yeah, I'm not being very productive, and I really should be. And I am going to freeze solid on the ride home, since I didn't bring a coat, because I lack foresight, and yeah, it's cooooold oot. Well, cold for someone riding a bike without a coat and gloves and stuff.

I wish I could read M, but I get the feeling that she's the hardest to read of any of my friends right now. I guess I've been confusing, too, but still...I hope she can talk to me sometime. Perhaps. Perhaps she won't. I can't really tell. I can tell, however, that I find myself thinking of her when she's not around, and incredibly happy when she is, and even thinking of her makes me happy. And I feel crazy, because I had decided, at some point, that I couldn't see that happening, and then...it did. Crrrrrazy. And I wonder if she trusts me because of that. Well, I get the feeling that she's just afraid of a lot of things, but that's a crutch to fall back on, so it works as an explanation. And she is probably leaving awfully soon, and I should be able to use that as an excuse not to care so much, but I can't. Maybe she can.

I remember a while ago she was annoyed that I didn't write about her in this thing, and I don't think I bothered to explain. I'm not entirely sure why I didn't write about her. I guess I wanted to believe that I was giving things a chance, but had sort of a nagging feeling that I wasn't. And then I did, and now this. This! This is wonderful, dammit. Why can't it all be wonderful? Why must I have the absolute world's worst timing? Arg. I want to time something RIGHT for a change! Maybe sometime...

28/2/2002Like emptiness in harmony, I need someone to comfort me

Some woman walked into my apartment a few minutes ago and wandered around saying, "Is anybody here?" Why didn't she just ring the frickin' doorbell? 'Twas very strange. Apparently, she was here for my roommate, who went to talk to her. Odd.

It's a still life life watercolour
of a now late afternoon
as the sun shines through the curtain lace
and shadows wash the room

I'm feeling blah again today. Blah. I should work, of course. And go to work for a few minutes, and go to class, too. But, blah.

I just e-mailed my father, finally. Said a lot of stuff, and I'm sure he won't respond to much of it. I mentioned that I do still need somebody to keep Kate. Hrmmmmmm.

Okay, time to get outta heah. Stuff, then class, then going to C-hill to see M, which will be nice. That should help my mood.

Shades of Gray